By James, Head of 91抖阴
Last week a prospective parent visiting Dallington shared something that surprised me, but then听didn’t听surprise me, as I sometimes forget the bubble of our school. Unlike many other schools, Dallington is somewhere where being child-centred听isn’t听just something we say,听it’s听what we live and breathe, what genuinely drives us. She had visited an open day at another school, and the main thing the children wanted to show prospective families was the reward systems.听Gem jars, sticker charts, colour-coded behaviour displays publicly ranking every child in the room. Beautifully presented, carefully curated,听and听in my opinion,听deeply听troubling.听
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Because what message does that send?听Schools like this, and there are many,听are听not a place to grow, explore or think, but a place to perform, to comply, to behave in ways that earn treats.听It’s听hard not to see the parallels with how we train puppies: do this and听you’ll听get that. And when children听don’t听meet the expectations,听or simply have听a bad day,听their “place” on the wall announces it to everyone. Public shaming disguised as motivation. And it starts as young as four.听This听isn’t听harmless. It听negatively听shapes how children understand themselves, each other, and learning itself.听
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Decades of research back this up. Alfie Kohn, drawing on the work of Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, argues that rewards and punishments are simply two sides of the same coin: tools of control. Punishment听says听“Do this or something bad will happen.” Rewards听say听“Do this听and听something good will happen.” Both send the same message: “Your behaviour exists to please me.”听
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Kohn calls rewards “control through seduction.” Over time, they听don’t听just fail,听they actively undermine the very things we care most about: curiosity, creativity, problem-solving, joy, confidence. At best, they create short bursts of compliance. At worst, we end up with children who are dependent on adult approval to feel successful,听praise addicts who have forgotten how to think for themselves.听
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At Dallington, we choose a different听approach. We refuse to pit children against each other. We refuse to reduce learning to a leaderboard. We refuse to shame,听bribe听or manipulate. Instead, we treat children as humans, not projects to manage. We celebrate differences rather than ranking them. We build collaboration, not competition.听
”At Dallington, we choose a different approach. We refuse to pit children against each other. We refuse to reduce learning to a leaderboard.”
Intrinsic motivation,听the desire to learn because something is meaningful, joyful, or important,听cannot be bought with stickers. It grows in environments where children feel safe,听respected听and empowered. Where they have choices. Where the content they explore matters to them. Where community is built, not enforced.听
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And yes, of course we celebrate successes. When our school came 3rd in an eco-competition, the joy was real because the work meant something. When our team was named Sports Team of the Tournament, we celebrated the team’s spirit and collaboration, not a points tally. But you听won’t听see token “everyone gets a certificate” assemblies or behaviour charts plastered across our walls. We听don’t听need听them, because听learning,听and being part of a community,听is reward enough.听
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If we want children to become confident, kind, thoughtful human beings, then we听have to听stop manipulating them with gold stars and start trusting them with real learning, real relationships, and real responsibility. At Dallington,听that’s听exactly what we choose to do.听
